No Such Thing As Ninja
by Rath Raholand
Summary: Fox takes Falco to a huge abandoned warehouse the gang has bought out for one sole purpose: To prove to him once and for all that Wolf is in fact a shinobi.


**Author's Note:** Hello again, I'm back with more! This one isn't nearly as epic as the first one, but starting strong is a good way to lead in, so some small ones are appropriate! I don't usually write, I usually draw, but I really just wrote this spur of the moment as I wanted Wolf to show off his ninja skills! Oh and I'm sorry to say, no story art for this one =(

R&R please~

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"Where are we going, Fox? Quit with the damn silence and just tell me!" Falco asked for the fourth time, more annoyed than the previous time he had asked. The irritated blue falcon glared over at the toasty orange-furred fox in the driver's seat of the hover car they were in, casually driving down an alleyway towards a large warehouse. The vulpine merely grinned once again as he kept on driving. This caused the bird to glare even hard and slam his fists down on his legs.

"FOX!"

"All right, all right, geez! We're going to see Wolf," Fox answered with a chuckle.

"Wha- Why the hell was telling me _that_ so damn hard?! What, is this supposed to be on the down-low or some shit?" Falco asked. He was once again met with silence.

"Fox, I fuckin' swear to GOD-" Falco was cut off as Fox suddenly tapped the brakes hard, causing the bird to pitch forward and hit his head on the dash, a consequence of no seat belt, effectively shutting him up.

"How ya doin', buddy?"

"Fuck you."

Five minutes of driving later, the hover car pulled up to a large warehouse and parked in front next to a much nicer, exotic-looking hover car. Falco got out and walked over to it, looking it over and whistling in admiration.

"Holy shit, this thing is so sick. This is one of those 'I shit gold bars' kinda cars, the ones you can't ever find at a dealership but you see snobby rich guys driving, but I've never seen one like this driven by anyone," Falco said, circling it and peeking inside at its interior outfit. "Must be a prototype or an exclusive build, at the very least a few hundred Gs. Who's is it?"

"It's Wolf's. He got it a few days ago," Fox said, climbing out of his car and leaning on it, waiting for the falcon to finish drooling over the man-toy. Falco did a double-take when he heard who it belonged to.

"Are you serious? This is Wolf's? How does he even almost afford something like this; unless by 'got' you mean he straight up stole it."

"Nah, it was a gift from Beltino and Slippy. The entire car is synced to his cybernetic eye, he can literally just sit back in the car and jack off to porn while it drives from point A to point B. That also means he can have it drive itself anywhere without him even being in it. When he got it, he sent it to pick me up for a date. Needless to say, I was kinda speechless when it pulled up without a driver and Wolf was casually talking to me through the radio. And you do know Wolf has a shit-ton more money than I do, right? Apparently running Sargasso is pretty bank." Fox answered with a laugh.

"The fuck… Why don't they make us awesome shit? How many times have we saved Slippy from getting his ass blown out of the sky? They both owe us for that!" Falco said, throwing his arms up.

"Slippy is part of the team, we watch each other's back. As for Beltino, are you forgetting who made the program that shut down the aparoid queen?" Fox said with a grin. When the bird sighed and slapped his wing to his face, the vulpine laughed and shrugged. Just then, a deep voice came from Wolf's car, making Falco nearly jump out of his feathers, stumbling back away from it as Fox chuckled again.

"How about you two not keep me waiting and get your asses in here? Also, get away from my car, bird brain. It's only allowed to smell like me and Fox," the unmistakable voice of Wolf said over his car's radio. Fox was wagging as he moved over to lie against the car and smile.

"Sorry, baby. Falco was getting jealous over your new toy, so I had to tell him how easily you got it," he said, glancing over to a glaring Falco who just scoffed and starting walking towards the warehouse, followed shortly by the vulpine.

When they entered, they found a large open space, many tables lining the walls, some small consoles and a large doorway leading farther into the factory. They also found Wolf, Leon, Panther, Krystal, Peppy, Slippy and Bill. Fox ran to Wolf and wrapped his arms around the much larger lupine who slid his hand down to grip the happy vulpine's rear.

"…OK, so… what the hell is everyone doing here? I thought we came to see Wolf?" Falco asked, seeming to be the only one in the dark as everyone else either grinned at him or chuckled.

"We did come to see Wolf. And now, you get to play with Wolf. He's gonna prove to you that he is, in fact, a ninja," Fox answered, turning around in Wolf's arms to face the bird.

"Oh, come on! Really, this is what this is all about? I've been from one side of this system to the other and nowhere have I seen or even heard people mention goddamn ninjas!" Falco exclaimed.

"Wrong system, featherhead," Leon said as Falco walked over to join the group. "Panther and I have taken the time to turn this entire warehouse into a mix silhouette of random locations where Wolfus would find it extremely easy and extremely hard to be stealthy. They aren't fancy, the whole thing looks like a combination of a paintball field and a laser tag zone. We'll all have to do one of those sometime since the warehouse is ours now."

"Here, you'll use these," Slippy said, picking up a blaster and a knife handle from one of the tables and handing them to Falco. "These won't cause any harm, getting hit with the lasers will only feel like split second of hard pressure to let you know you've been hit. Past that doorway, there are sensors all around that monitor when anything organic is hit by these lasers and will keep two separate scores for both of you. First one to reach twenty hits or forfeit wins. If you win, Wolf has to be your slave for a week, seven 24 hour days, and if Wolf wins, same thing for him and you have to finally admit ninjas do exist."

"While that sounds like a great prize for me, I'm not gonna let this hairball hold this over my damn head either way! Bring it on!" Falco declared, shooting Wolf a cocky grin.

"Gonna bring you home a new servant, pup," Wolf said, nipping on Fox's ear as he took a seat in front of a large monitor with the rest of the group.

"Try to go easy on him, Wolf. He's not had your type of training, he won't know what to expect. Might need a handicap" Peppy said, trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably.

"Hey! You're supposed to be on my side, old man!" Falco said, glaring at the old hare.

"He's right, you know. You won't see most anything coming, unless of course the boss is feeling merciful," Panther added.

"Come now, boys. Falco, you'll do just fine. Just give it your best and concentrate on your objective, just like a mission," Krystal reassured, though not without a giggle of her own.

"I don't know. I'm tellin' you, one minute you could be hearing his footsteps and then just like that, the sound is gone… but he's still right there! Like trying to hear and catch smoke with your bare hands. You're screwed," Bill finished, shaking his head slowly.

"Well, thanks for the support, guys, I so totally appreciate it!" Falco said, sarcasm obvious as he moved towards the doorless archway into the factory where Wolf was leaning.

"Hey, we need to talk, bird."

"No! I ain't talkin' to you!"

"It's serious, bird brain."

"Uugh… Ok, what?"

"…You're fucked, bird."

"GODDAMN IT!"

Falco threw his arms up in aggravation as the group chuckled, Wolf following him into the designated zone past the large doorway. Glancing around, the walls were dark grey and black and cameras were all about so that the group could watch from the monitor. Falco reached into his pocket and pulled a small comm device designed for his head and put it, the green-lensed scouter portion lighting up and running through data. As it did, Slippy set a small device on the table next to the monitor and spoke into it.

"Testing, testing. Can you hear me, Falco?" Slippy said.

"Yeah, it's a go," Falco responded. This way, they could all talk to Falco and he could talk back and have everyone hear him. However, Slippy and Fox knew that as soon as Slippy turned on the device, Wolf likely synced his cybernetic eye and compound eye unit eye patch to it as well.

Falco checked his blaster and then inspected his knife, activating the nine inch laser blade to look it over before pocketing it.

"All right, furball. I hope you're ready to clean my boots with your tongue, because I'm gonna-" Falco began, but spun around to find Wolf gone. He was only about eight or so yards into the zone and not yet near any of the doors.

"The fuck…?" he said, readying his blaster as he searched frantically around.

Up at the pseudo ceiling where wall met ceiling, he spotted a large opening he could only assume Wolf somehow managed to get up to and squeeze through. The bird huffed and quickly made his way down the hall, pressing himself to walls and peeking into doors. The place really was maze-like. Some doors led to just a room with a few obstacles while others looked like they led off farther one direction.

"Oh, just a heads up, buddy. Wolf is using a bayoneted blaster and he has a laser sword," Fox said casually over the comm. Falco scoffed at this and pat his pocket.

"Feh! The fuzzball may be outfitted, but I'm a bird. His ass ain't faster than me. He'll be swinging at air! Besides, I'll pop him full of lasers before he can even get close enough to use the damn thing! Even if he does, he's a big target and all I need is my knife to take him down!" Falco said, beaming with confidence.

Fox chuckled, but he knew there was merit to Falco's words. He was very swift and even Fox himself would struggle in a knife fight against him. He knew they both were quicker than Wolf when it came to knives, but so many playful scraps between himself and Wolf had trained the lupine to calculate that swiftness and make openings for himself.

"You got this, bud," he answered back.

"Betch'r foxy ass I do! …Hm? What the fu- AHH! SON OF A-" Falco exclaimed, the sounds of a blaster heard over the comm, obviously Wolf's.

"Get 'im, tiger," Bill laughed.

Falco was currently diving behind barrels for cover as Wolf shot at him thirty feet away. He'd already been hit multiple times, but he was still sure he was gonna take the lupine down. He rose up and aimed over the barrels and returned fire, the lupine evading his shots before casually strolling out through the door he was next to. Falco shot out from behind the barrels, not interesting in losing Wolf again. He dove through the door, firing rapidly but got up on a knee to find the large room empty, only a narrow little hall leading out the other side. His scouter detected Wolf close on the other side for a moment before it lost him, but he grinned as it now had a semi-pinpoint of the lupine. He ran to the narrow space and side-stepped his way through it. Just as he was about to exit the other side, he took two shots to the top of his head and yelled out in surprise, looking up to find Wolf not eight feet above him, one of his claws keeping him up at the ceiling. Falco quickly angled his blaster to fire just as Wolf dove forward out of the narrow space, the lasers barely missing his tail. Falco threw himself out and ran after the lupine, firing rapidly, only to have his shots all miss as Wolf performed acrobatics and stylish evasions. He ran around a corner and not a few seconds later, Falco also flew around the corner; right into the laser bayonet of Wolf's blaster. The lupine more or less pistol-whipping the bird to the ground with it before turning and dashing through a door and leaving only silence. Falco got up, rubbing his cheek as he scowled.

"Fantastic. You do me proud, beakface," Leon's voice suddenly said over the comm.

"Shut up! He probably just got a chance to explore the damn place before I got here!" Falco countered.

"No one did, only Panther and I know its layout. Quit making excuses or you'll meet my good heels when we get home." Leon said in his calm demeanor.

Falco scoffed and took off in the direction Wolf had run, being sure to be stealthier on his approach to doors and corners. He spent ten minutes more or less completely lost, finding numerous dead ends or impossible obstacles obstructing paths. Sometimes, the lights would flicker and he'd hear Wolf chuckling behind him, only to spin around, blaster ready, to find nothing, often dashing off in that direction and getting himself turned around. Eventually, he accidentally stumbled into a large open area with low walls scattered about. He was about to move farther in when Wolf sprung up from one of the walls and opened fire. Falco dove for cover and returned fire like the last time, but this time he made sure to keep moving from cover to cover so he could get closer. When the lasers stopped flying, he swiftly made his way to the wall where Wolf had been, knowing he would have no chance of escaping his sight in this wide open space when he was so close, but upon aiming over the wall, he found no Wolf. He stared, mouth agape, for a moment before feeling five more shots hit his back, spinning around to see Wolf diving into a hatch in the floor. Falco dove at it, aiming down into it and firing wildly before peeking down inside. It was pitch black, so he couldn't see a thing. He pulled out his laser knife, activating it as he dropped down into the hatch, his blade casting a small area of light around him. From what he could tell, it looked like a small storage area with a path leading farther in. He moved forward a few feet, blaster at the ready. His scouter beeped and indicated someone behind him, spinning instantly and firing. Wolf dodged to the side, his lasers sword coming to life and striking the blaster from the avian's grip and the firearm flying off several yards into the darkness of the room. Left with only his knife, the avian leaped back and readied himself for anything.

"All right, Wolf, I admit you're good, but I still plan on winnin' this thing!" he said, lunging at the lupine.

"Then you better win quick, bird, cuz I'm only a few hits from twenty on you and you've still got zero on me!" Wolf exclaimed, his face a cocky smirk as he lunged as well.

Falco proved to be genuinely capable with just his knife, fending off a lot of Wolf's blows and nimbly dodging and evading others. It was a solid ten minutes of laser clashing against laser or laser gracefully singing past fur and feather. After a while though, Falco started feeling overwhelmed, for one very huge reason; Wolf was slowly, but surely getting faster and faster. It was baffling the avian, but he didn't have the luxury to try to figure it out, his mind was working overtime trying to keep him in the game. Wolf was all over him, switching stances, switching sword forms, switching hands, striking in a blur. The avian barely had enough time to react, having to throw himself around and roll on the ground to evade or be sent staggering if he decided to block.

"Nnng, what the fuck!? How are you even do-" Falco began, but was cut off as he suddenly found himself disarmed and Wolf's laser sword inches from his face. Wolf merely stood there smirking at him, knowing it was all over, but Falco had other plans. After a moment of staring Wolf down, he reared back slightly and grinned broad.

"Hey, fuzzball. Ever seen a falcon fly?" he asked.

Before Wolf could say anything, the avian dropped down low and became a blur, shooting straight forward, aiming to use his Falco Phantasm to knock Wolf down and disarm him, a skill he learned during his time at the second Smash Bros. Tournament. He was sure of this tactic, up until Wolf stopped it outright, moving with the bird's momentum and catching him by the jacket.

"Aww, COME ON!" the avian shouted in distress.

"You're quick, bird, but I'm still a ninja," Wolf said, wasting no time smashing his laser sword over the bird's head many times before releasing him, a strong jab sending him flying backwards.

The bird rolled and came to a stop right next to his blaster, wasting no time grabbing and taking a pot shot at Wolf's head, only to have the lupine deflect it with his laser sword, hitting Falco right between the eyes and sending him to the ground again. A loud buzzer went off in the warehouse signaling Wolf had gotten his twenty hits and had won. The avian cursed and pushed himself up off the ground, looking up to find no trace of Wolf.

"….How….I don't even…" he began, but was interrupted by the group that had watched it all go down.

"Ninja," they all said in unison, making Falco slap his wing against his face and sigh heavily.

The lights of the warehouse went on as Falco climbed out from the hatch in the floor, find the walls of the maze lowering into the ground on a large mechanism. That's a convenient feature, he thought. They could use the warehouse for other stuff as well if they needed to, like storing vehicles. He walked back to the group, not seeing Wolf anywhere in sight even when he approached the group, giving Slippy back the knife and blaster.

"They control pretty good, don't they? Wolf seems to have taken well to them. The weight of them is slightly different than real blasters and laser swords, but that didn't stop him from mopping the floor with you, now did it?" Slippy said with his usual boyish giggle.

"It was just a fluke, I wasn't on top of my game today is all!" he quickly declared, getting chuckles from everyone.

"Whatever you say, bird," Wolf said, walking past Falco as he pat his shoulder, making the avian nearly jump out of his feathers.

"Fuck! Where the hell did you come from?" he demanded. Fox was once again in Wolf's arms and glanced over.

"Actually, he was walking behind you the whole way back here, buddy," Fox said with a grin, making Falco's head snap around and look about the now huge empty space of the warehouse, finding no visible spots Wolf could have hidden, yet he hadn't sensed the large lupine at all behind him. How was that even possible?

"All right, Falco. Time to pay up, you know the stakes," Peppy said, patting him on the back, getting him a glare from the avian.

"Buddy, you'll feel so much better once you finally admit it to yourself and you'll finally have an explanation for the crazy shit Wolf does most the time," Bill added, also patting him on the back.

"This ass-kicking could have been avoided if you weren't such a hardhead, you know," Leon said, his tail stroking the avian's cheek.

"It was a wonderful try though, Falco. I'm proud you gave it your best and you should be too," Krystal said, smiling genuinely at him.

"Tch! Yeah, you say that, but if it had been you in there, you would have had this in the bad with those psychic abilities of yours," Falco responded with a hint of cynicism.

"Well, that's not necessarily true, Falco. True, I would have been able to sense where Wolf was, but he would obviously know this and make no attempt to stealth me. He's just press a relentless assault, against which I would stand little chance, considering I'm no good with swords," she said reassuringly.

"That aside though, I'd say Wolf pretty much proved to you right in your face that he is, in fact, a ninja. Say it with me, buddy. 'Wolf, I was wrong. You are a ninja and you are the best this galaxy has ever seen,'" Fox said, tail swishing in utter amusement.

Falco let out an exasperated sigh and decided to just relent to his fate.

"Uuuuugh, fine! ... Wolf, I was wrong. You are a ninja and you are the best this galaxy has ever seen," Falco said, glaring daggers at the lupine who only wore a smirk of amusement.

"Damn right I am. Now, I'll see you bright and early tomorrow at my place for new little job. Also, Leon has your uniform ready for you," Wolf said, picking Fox up and heading for the door. Leon produced a traditional French maid's outfit, tailored to Falco's measurements. The group burst out in laughter as Falco stared wide-eyed, mouth agape.

"And you're going to wear it, or else I'll cut off your tail feathers and use them to make a nice new hat," Leon said with a grin he couldn't hide.

"And you know he's serious, Falco. Someone in your position would know better than to even consider trying to worm your way out of this," Panther added with his usual purr and of course his own amused expression.

"F-FUCK YOU GUYS!"

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Falco likes to curse~


End file.
